my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
