I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
