i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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