Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
