Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
