tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
