i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
