I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
