So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
