well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
