I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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