apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
