You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize