so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
