I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i think my cat just said my name.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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