If i come over, it means nothing
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
