you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize