I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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