waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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