yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
