You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
