Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
