sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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