I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
