Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
