apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
