I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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