Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
