oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
