My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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