Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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