I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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