Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
