my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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