ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
