You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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