Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
