man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
