Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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