Swine flu. Run for my life!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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