i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
