Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
