what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
