Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize