i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
