3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
from now on my penis is your penis
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Randomize
