so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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