it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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