took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
