i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
