This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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