I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
cat food counts as protein by the way
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
