I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
