i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
