were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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