Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
