I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
