I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize