eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
