tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
