thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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