Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i will never coherently bang her
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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