does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
