put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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