they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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