can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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