Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Randomize
