You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
