I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
