I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this just has baby written all over it
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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